a friendly game of volleyball

I wake up Sunday morning in a fairly poor mood. Thump. Thump. Thump. Outside I go to investigate the strange noises coming from the garden. Evode and his friend Privat are playing volleyball in the back garden. In towels. I inquire about their activities and dress and Privat explains, with unnerving condescension, that they were getting warmed up for a shower. 

This is one thing that I love about Rwanda and yet something that I don’t understand. Homophobia is incredibly high. It is not as bad as Uganda, but homosexuality is not tolerated in Rwanda. However, men in Rwanda seem much less confined by gendered boundaries with other men. Men hold hands with other men and are comfortable touching male friends when talking, embracing each other, and generally engaging in what I would consider intimate physical contact. Playing volleyball together in towels before a shower does not spur derogatory slurs or beliefs about their sexual orientations… It’s just a couple guys hanging out on a Sunday morning before church. 

I’m constantly amazed at how comfortable men appear to be interacting with and being physically connected to other men. Women are much the same in this respect but it is much more acceptable for women to display closeness and affection with other women in this way than for men in the US. 

After thinking a bit more about how progressive Rwanda is in displaying intimacy with friends and family of the same sex, I don't think I'm quite right. From what I have seen and experienced, which is limited, women who are detached in social interactions, at trait often associated with Western masculinity, are perceived differently and told to act more like girls. I have been told this from a few different people in various circumstances and I have heard other women talked about in similar ways. While it is fantastic for men to express themselves more freely, this may just be another example of straight Rwandan men simply getting to do whatever they want. Par for the course, really.

While there is far more going on in my life than a couple of Rwandan men playing volleyball in towels, I’m having a difficult time articulating it. But most of what I am experiencing is typical of my age group regardless of geographic location and can be most accurately described as growing pains.